Go ahead, climb into the sewer and break my heart

Gentle readers, you no doubt believe that the author of this blog is completely cynical and heartless about our fellow creatures. But despite everything that animals have done to disillusion me, inexplicably there are still certain species that I have foolishly managed to retain a soft spot for.

Take the two-toed sloth. Attentive readers may have noticed that the only major previous appearance of a sloth on this blog involved an adorable baby picture and two forms of the word "cute".

And truly, does it not take a superhuman effort not to coo and giggle at photos such as these?
(Flickr user justonlysteve)


(Flickr user Adam C Smith)

If you can stand it, you can see more photos I've selected here.

Yes, I confess: I have been a collector of baby sloth pictures. What's more I have known some adult sloths personally, and I believed that they were the most mild-mannered and personable of the less-intelligent animals I have met. For example, here's a picture of one not biting me while I feed it a grape:


And here is one just hanging around charmingly posing for a photo:


I have never been anything but personally supportive of sloths: not only have I fed them many grapes and green beans, I even have a book coming out next year with a sloth in the title!

But of course, what a fool I have been. Somehow the sloths knew that it would take a lot to disillusion me, and they have not failed to rise to the challenge. As eloquently summarized by the blog Tetrapod Zoology, a recently published paper reports that some two-toed sloths in Peru

have developed the delightful habit of climbing into an outdoor latrine building, seeking out the latrine contents AND EATING THEM.

The post goes on to quote the article directly, giving this detailed description of one sloth's behavior:

It was scooping with one hand from the semi-liquid manure composed of faeces, urine and toilet paper and then eating from the hand.

Pictures are also provided, the less disgusting of the two being this one:



Note, particularly, the enthusiastic expression on that normally expressionless face.

It is true. For all these hundreds of posts where I have been berating those who don't get it about animal badness, I have been throwing stones from a glass house. Let us hope that I have finally learned my lesson.

Friends, we are all in this together. Be strong, and read the rest of Tetrapod Zoology's report here.

And if anyone wants to pay $37.95 for a copy of the full article and send it to me, just to well and truly rub my face in my foolishness, click here.

UPDATE: A friend of the blog has generously provided this article. The original photos are huge and unmistakably clearly show the sloth actually carrying a BABY into the latrine.

I am considering printing and framing them so I do not forget.

Worse than sloth

I've been having trouble sleeping lately, so I was particularly annoyed when I came across this table of, basically, animals that get more sleep than you do.

Never mind the sloth, which is in eleventh place on the list and sleeps a mere 14.4 hours per day on average, and as we've seen before is not nearly as slothful as it would like you to think. Seethe, instead, at the following numbers:

Brown Bat 19.9 hr
Giant Armadillo 18.1 hr
Opossum 18 hr
Python 18 hr
Owl Monkey 17.0 hr
Tiger 15.8 hr
Tree shrew 15.8 hr

As you'll see if you click on the link, that is, for example, 75% of the day for the python. And there's lots more. Even a gerbil sleeps thirteen hours a day. Thirteen hours! What's so hard about being a gerbil that makes them tired enough to need thirteen hours of sleep? What kinds of ideas do gerbils have to come up with? What kind of deadlines do stupid little rodents have to meet? Seriously. Gerbils.

Bad news for bad animal symbolism

Research with the sloth in captivity has shown that it sleeps an average of sixteen hours a day, validating its position as the cutest personification of a deadly sin ever.

But our animal symbols for bad behavior lead a precarious existence. Call the wrong person a dirty pig and you may find yourself watching a beautiful metaphor beaten to death by a load of ugly facts. Your pig expert will claim that not only are pigs clean animals that only roll in mud to cool off and protect their skin, but that they may even prefer a pool of clean water given the choice.

In another stunning reversal of conventional wisdom, the blog Not Exactly Rocket Science reports on some new research from the Panamanian rainforest:

A new study - the first ever to record brain activity in a wild sleeping animal - reveals that wild sloths are far less lethargic than their captive cousins. In their natural habitat, three-toed sloths sleep for only 9.6 hours a day, not much more than an average first-year university student.

It may be some comfort to our cliches, though, to know that they weren't exactly revealed to be racehorses disguised in shaggy algae-supporting fur:

Rattenborg managed to study sleepy sloths by fitting them with a small, lightweight cap that was loaded with brain activity sensors. Sloths make a good first candidate for such an experiment, as they are easy to capture and their slow lifestyles are unlikely to dislodge the recorders.

Photo, from Flickr user acodring of a baby sloth at the Avarios sloth sanctuary in Costa Rica, is of a two-toed sloth, not the three-toed in the study, because I think they are cuter. So sue me.