While not usually a fan of rushing the holiday season, this blog has been convinced by the suggestion of the great and admirable The Rejectionist that December is a good time to give New Year's resolutions a test run.
This is particularly true in the case of animal-related resolutions, which can be sorely tested by the holiday gift-buying season.
Of course, if you read this blog, you already recognize that you have a problem. You're a member of the precious minority that understands that animals aren't as cute as they want you to think.
But that's only the beginning. Now you need to make a commitment to being part of the solution.
It's not enough to simply forward links to this blog to everyone you know, although of course that is a vital first step. You also need to make sure you're not helping the enemy by inadvertently participating in its propaganda campaign.
So, make these three simple promises and stop helping animals pull the wool, fur, feathers and scales over our eyes.
1. I will not click on headlines like the following:
Faithful dog waits for owner near Shanghai fire without eating
Horses never forget human friends
Bonobo is excellent babysitter
or anything involving a panda.
2. I will not buy books like these:
And I will especially not buy indoctrination materials for impressionable children like:
The latter book's shameless edition for young people, ZooBorns!: Zoo Babies from Around the World
And Tango Makes Three, a classic attempt to warp young minds that this blog deconstructes here.
3. And finally, when I hear of stories like this one:
I will remind everyone: We never hear from the people who the dolphins push AWAY from shore.
(It should go without saying that you will definitely not buy Obey the Pug merchandise here.)