There's no place like home

Air travel is unpleasant enough without animals getting involved. We've seen
a runway closed by turtles, a fatal crash caused by panic over a small crocodile escaping from someone's luggage, and birds dropping broken glass on a runway, just to name a few.

If you're in a cold place dreaming of travelling somewhere warm right now, perhaps a few more recent stories like these will make you feel better about staying put:

-In southern Utah, prairie dogs have become a “public safety issue” by burrowing holes in and under airport runways. A $50,000 fence has been proposed, but one legislator, citing cases where these animals have dug into caskets in cemeteries, says a fence won't be enough to keep them out.

-You're probably aware that birds can be a danger to aircraft, as in the commonly reported cases where they're sucked into engines. As the photo above shows, that's not the only possibility. That's an albatross that struck a Japan Coast Guard plane. Fortunately the plane made it to its destination safely.

-Dangerous wild animals aren't the only ones that cause problems when they get loose on a plane. A flight from Halifax to Toronto was preparing for takeoff when a cat escaped from its carrier. Good thing they decided not to proceed, because it turned out that Ripples the tabby had actually wormed his way into the cockpit wiring. Maintenance crew had to remove panels to get him out and then inspect the wiring for damage, causing a delay of almost five hours.

So I'm going to curl up on the couch with a hot chocolate and stick with looking at magazine photos of tropical places. Sure, there's still the chance my pet will set the house on fire, but I'd rather fight bad animals with my feet on solid ground.

Short-attention-span bad animals

Today, we're just going to stick to the headlines:

Street's mail deliveries banned after dog bites postwoman

Rat Sends Plane Scurrying Back To Sea-Tac Gate

Man falls to death from rooftop after monkey attack

Female baboons are victims of domestic abuse

Taser fails to slow moose

Girl finds seven-foot snake in toilet

Rage-inducing chemical on squid eggs turns males into violent thugs

Looks like bad animals all over the world, of all sizes, shapes, orders, and families, are keeping busy victimizing all kinds of innocents in all kinds of ways. On the bright side, after reading that list, isn't it almost a relief to turn back to the human news?

Time to panic down South?

There was a moment last week when all of these headlines appeared simultaneously at CNN.com:

* Wild coyotes eat zoo birds (New Orleans)

* Mom stabs dog, saves tot (South Carolina)

* Hawks attack 5 people (Florida)

* Mouse poop found on shelf at local Kroger (Kentucky)

* Pants saved teen from gator ("Florida lawmakers may think twice about banning droopy drawers after a teen claims he was saved from an alligator attack because of his baggy pants.")

Given the range of creatures and offenses involved here, I think I am staying up North for the foreseeable future despite our lingering winter weather.


Photo of sign that needs to be updated with some fashion advice by Flickr user alicetiara.

News briefs from 'round the world

-Taiwan: A man is bringing suit over being insulted by a bird. His neighbors have a pet mynah, which, like a parrot, can be trained to speak. He claims that in retaliation for a previous conflict, they've taught their bird to call him a "clueless big-mouthed idiot:"

He alleges the bird’s harsh words caused him serious distress, and claims he suffered burn injuries after the bird made him lose concentration at work.

His neighbors deny the claim, and why not? Maybe it's the bird's own opinion.

-Britain: A police surveillance helicopter detected a hot spot in a West Yorkshire home. This is usually the sign of equipment for large-scale indoor marijuana production, so they got a search warrant and raided the home.

The surprised homeowner led them to the culprits: two guinea pigs cuddled up in front of a space heater.

-Belarus: It's actually relatively common for dogs to shoot their owners with guns. (See here and here, for example). Now other canines have taken their lead. A hunter shot a fox and then tried to finish it off by hitting it with the butt of his rifle. The fox retaliated by shooting him with his own gun:

‘The animal fiercely resisted and in the struggle accidentally pulled the trigger with its paw,’ said a police officer called to the scene.

"Accidentally," sure. The fox escaped. The hunter was taken to the hospital, where, out of embarrassment, he requested that reporters not print his name.


Pig in a blanket by Flickr user [diego].

Small dangers

Some animals are so cute and little, you may think, how much trouble can they be? Here are some stories to remind you not to let down your guard in the new year.

-There goes the neighborhood:

England is stereotypically the sort of place where it's hard to be truly accepted into society if you weren't born there. The same seems to be true for animals. Rabbits were introduced a couple thousand years ago by the Romans, but they're still considered a non-native invasive species.

But maybe there'd be less prejudice against them if they were better citizens. A recent study says that in Britain, these zillionth-generation immigrants cost the economy more than £260m a year including damage to crops, businesses and infrastructure.

The Romans may not have realized what they were doing, but we didn't learn from their mistake. Humans can't seem to resist inviting adorable guests who end up overstaying their welcome. Gray squirrels were fashionable pets for the rich Englishpersons in the 19th century, an import from North America, but like all these trendy pets, people eventually get bored of them. A couple were released in 1876 and now their descendents cause £14m in damage and are driving the native, and cuter, red squirrel to extinction.

The 19th century British also repeated the Romans's error more exactly by introducing the rabbit to Australia, where it's gone on to devastate the native ecosystem. They also do another kind of damage there that is much more surprising:

Aviation wildlife strike statistics released by the Australian Transport Safety Bureau show rabbits and hares accounted for 82 of the 257 reported plane collisions with animals between 2002 and 2009 - the highest for any non-winged creature.

The bureau said animal strikes were relatively rare but when they did occur they could result in severe damage.

-Think of the children:

And speaking of squirrels: why do we let these sex maniacs run around on the streets where innocent children can see them? The females of those cute red squirrels, for instance, will mate with a dozen males a day if they can, and they don't care if they're relatives - doing it with their own fathers or brothers is OK with them.

A recent study tried to figure out the reason for this behavior. Did it evolve because it helped their reproductive success? Nope, scientists concluded: females will mate with as many males as they can for no reason except "because they're there."


-Second-hand smoke:

Even this blog has to admit that rats make excellent pets. They're personable and intelligent, and if you're easily bored, don't worry - they don't live too long.

But as with any pet, training is important: as one woman in England found after a fire in her apartment:

When Nelly Banks saw her rat’s cage burst into flames, she never expected to see her beloved pet again.

But she got quite a shock when the rascal rodent ran around on the floor – after sparking a full scale 999 alert.

Nelly’s pet – called No Name – stole a smouldering cigarette butt from her ashtray and took it to bed with him.

But the cigarette continued to smoulder, set fire to her cage and left her entire flat on Westminster Road, Morecambe, smoke-logged.

The 43-year-old has no idea how the rat made the miracle escape. She said: “He is a little pincher, he is always taking stuff and hiding it and this time he took one of my cigarettes and put it into his cage which is obviously flammable.

“He had beer cans and bits of paper and all sorts in there, so it did not take much to send it up."

So don't forget: if you're going to allow cute little furry animals into your home, teach them not to smoke in bed.



Cover of a classic horror story by Flickr user snigl3t.

Doing it wrong, again

Last time we saw conservationists trying to prepare baby pandas for life in the wild by confusing them about the difference between a panda and a human in a costume.

Today we look at another case of humans trying to solve animal problems in a deranged fashion.

At the same time that we're driving wild animals to extinction, we're loving our own pets to death by overfeeding them. In one poll, vets said that 45% of their canine patients and 57% of the felines were overweight.

(And it's not just pets. Strangely, we're such a bad influence that some animals are getting fatter just by being nearby. A recent scientific study found that not only are average weights for lab animals going up, so are those of the feral animals like rodents roaming our streets.)

Of course, where there's a problem, there'll be an entrepeneur trying to make money solving it. Cats don't read diet books or join weight loss support groups, but in England, your cat won't have to worry if he gets too fat to fit through his cat door:

More Than pet insurance and TV vet Joe Inglis have teamed up to launch ‘Cat Flap of the Future,’ an extra large cat flap with sliding doors operated by a paw recognition system.

At 32cm by 35cm, the fat feline’s futuristic dream is twice the width of a regular cat flap.

And if you’re wondering how your overweight moggy will make it to the cat flap, you don’t need to worry on that front either.

The new invention also includes a cat conveyer belt to carry your feline friend from ground to flap level.

People: think about it. Your pet can't open the can or the cabinet on its own. You feed it with a measuring cup. If it's overweight, how about you try feeding it less?

Non-Vacation Linkorama

The blog is busy working on writing A BOOK (Whoo Hoo!), so for today go check out these stories of bad behavior elsewhere:

Even worse than the antelopes who pretend they see a lion to keep a mate from wandering off: Male water striders summon predators to blackmail females into having sex.

Dormice stand (or maybe lie, cute and sleepy) in the way of progress. (OK, we have a sneaking admiration for this kind of thing, actually. Are we getting soft in our old age?)

On Ugly Overload, I reminisce about an animal with very ugly behavior.

And from The Oatmeal: Five Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth.

Animals taking advantage

Readers of this blog know that animals are constantly taking advantage of our good nature and our foolishly positive attitude towards them. It should be no surprise that they're not above taking advantage of our troubles, as well. In Chicago, the home foreclosure crisis has turned out to be a boon for raccoons, who have moved into abandoned properties.

This would be all well and good if they were responsible tenants, making roof repairs and mowing the lawn, but they turn out to be the sort that you don't want living next door. Although comments that they are "orangutan-sized" are surely exaggerated, they're said to be bigger and bolder than ever before, and they don't stick to the vacant properties, either. One terrorized neighbor reported that they invaded her home:

“I came down the hallway, went into my bedroom and barricaded myself until morning because I know they’re nocturnal. The next morning, I went into the kitchen. I had the window up, but I have bars on my window. He or she had clawed the screen and squeezed through the bars in the kitchen. There were some corn curls in a bag on the counter. That was all over the floor [along with] some dry macaroni.

The raccoons keep bad company - other squatters in the vacant homes include drug dealers - and a city administrator says that now that they've learned to live in our houses, these big bad furballs are here to stay.

“It’s almost impossible to cull the raccoon population because nature abhors a vacuum. If you remove the raccoons, something else is going to move in. It might be skunks. It might be raccoons from elsewhere. As long as the habitat is good for them to live in, they’re going to keep moving back in.”

Raccoons aren't the only animals that are evolving as a result of living alongside humans. One recent study demonstrated that pet rodents are smarter than their wild counterparts.

After seeing what becomes of raccoons living a civilized life in our houses, I think we need to reconsider our breeding strategies. Do we really want our domestic animals to be more intelligent? Are we sure we can stand the competition?

Detail of photo of raccoon home invasion by Flickr user Pip R. Lagenta.

Britian invaded by killer breakfast-food-stealing chipmunks

In the US we think of chipmunks as just the cutest little guys. It probably doesn't even cross most people's minds that they are rodents, related to the reviled rat and mouse.

But the British know better. Siberian chipmunks have become an invasive species in Europe. And we're not talking "invasive" as in "lots of them in some woods I never see somewhere, oh isn't that too bad." We're talking HOME INVASION.

THE SUN - A killer chipmunk terrorised a family by invading their kitchen and munching their Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.

Horrified trucker Bryan Foreman, 50, found the critter with its head in the cereal box.

He and wife Susan fear the rodent is one of the vicious Siberian chipmunks which The Sun last week warned were set to invade Britain.

The creature left Bryan and Susan's two cats shaking - and they and the family's dog now can't go into the garden.

Mum-of-four Susan, 44, from the Isle of Sheppey, Kent, said: "It was terrifying. I've never seen anything like it.

"We could hear it banging about in the kitchen and when my husband went in it had its head in the cereal and was munching away.

"He shouted and it ran back out into the garden.

"We think it had a good go at whatever else it found in the cupboards as well.

"My cats are traumatised. We're too scared to let them out in case it's still lurking."

French naturalist Guy Bruel, who issued one of the first Siberian chipmunk alerts, is sure the rodent was one of them.

He warned that other people could find unwelcome guests as the pesky invaders start to get hungry.

The animals can be infected with deadly Lyme disease, which hits the nervous system. They can also carry rabies.

Guy said: "They will stop at nothing to get what they want. This includes sneaking into people's homes to have a nibble of food.

"They look cuddly and harmless, and this makes them particularly dangerous. If startled they can give a nasty nip, especially when cornered."

Susan first spotted the chipmunk in her garden running along the fence. It later made its way into the house by brazenly jumping on the cats' den.

She added: "Usually the cats are really playful but now they're very quiet and reclusive. I don't know what it did to scare them so badly."

More sensationalist chipmunk coverage from The Sun here, or just try the search here to see what's new, because The Sun is on top of this story.


Deceptively adorable chipmunk by Flickr user wwarby.

Invasion of the Super-Rats

The nutria is a large, semi-aquatic South American rodent that has escaped from fur farms and established itself in much of the southern US.

One naturalist says “It’s the John Dillinger of invasive species. It doesn’t just change habitat. This sucker eats habitat.”

You may feel safe from the nutria's huge naked rat tail and big orange buck teeth because you live in civilization, not wild wetlands. But not anymore. They're branching out, and the habitat where they're established may now include your local Wal-mart, according to the Associated Press:

NEW ORLEANS – A Louisiana woman is suing a Wal-Mart store over what she claims was a much-too-close encounter of the furry kind. Rebecca White says in her lawsuit that employees at a Wal-Mart in Abbeville let a rat-tailed rodent known as a nutria run loose and scare her. She says that not only did employees know it was in their store, but gave it a pet name, Norman, and failed to warn shoppers...

White wants compensation for pain, suffering, mental anguish, fear, disabling injuries, and medical expenses. Her attorney says the surgery bills aren't in yet, but other medical bills totaled nearly $2,000.

(Click here for the original story at the Abbeville Meridional.)

Don't miss a lovely short documentary on nutria in Louisiana here.

And don't bother moving out of the country to avoid them - that photo, of a nutria that demands a toll payment of food to cross the bridge, is from Flickr user gynti_46 in Germany.

Animal espionage dogs Iranians

The news business has fallen on hard times. How can you doubt it when you can't find any followup to this story from 2007:

Iranian Police Smash Squirrel Spy Ring

SKY NEWS UK Thursday July 12, 2007
Police in Iran are reported to have taken 14 squirrels into custody - because they are suspected of spying.

The rodents were found near the Iranian border allegedly equipped with eavesdropping devices.

The reports have come from the official Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA).

The IRNA said that the squirrels were kitted out by foreign intelligence services - but they were captured two weeks ago by police officers.

A Foreign Office source told Sky News: "The story is nuts."

Of course the Foreign office would deny it, but outside experts were also dubious about the accusations against the squirrels. When asked by NPR about the possibility of training squirrels to be spies, professor John Koprowski, co-author of North American Tree Squirrels, suggested that it would be difficult to "channel their elusiveness" into "constructive activity" in the field.

Still, clearly there were squirrels lurking suspiciously near the border - and their fate seems to be unknown. But that hasn't stopped other species from getting into the game, since Iran also arrested some spying pigeons near a nuclear facility in 2008.

Asked to comment on the pigeon story, one diplomat told Sky News, "It's clear there has been some sort of coo in Tehran."

Perhaps there's a bright side to all the sneaky bad behavior on the part of animals in the Middle East. With all the zoos downsizing due to the state of the economy, maybe some of those unemployed keepers can get work as prison staff in Iran.

Squirrel by, once again, the excellent Misterqueue.

Possibly justifiable bad behavior

This blog doesn't usually take the side of the animal, but I can't help making an exception for this one.


Groundhog bites mayor who cut zoo funding

NY DAILY NEWS - Maybe it was revenge.

Last week, Mayor Bloomberg took a bite out of the Staten Island Zoo's budget.

Monday, the zoo's weather-predicting groundhog, Charles G. Hogg, took a bite out of Hizzoner.

"He got my finger pretty good," Bloomberg allowed, as he held the recalcitrant groundhog up in the air and declared spring on the way.

The Groundhog Day mayor-nipping came just three days after Bloomberg chomped 15% out of the zoo's budget, reducing it to $1.3 million from $1.6 million.

See video at the Staten Island Advance.