Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Stand up against animal disinformation in the New Year

While not usually a fan of rushing the holiday season, this blog has been convinced by the suggestion of the great and admirable The Rejectionist that December is a good time to give New Year's resolutions a test run.

This is particularly true in the case of animal-related resolutions, which can be sorely tested by the holiday gift-buying season.

Of course, if you read this blog, you already recognize that you have a problem. You're a member of the precious minority that understands that animals aren't as cute as they want you to think.

But that's only the beginning. Now you need to make a commitment to being part of the solution.

It's not enough to simply forward links to this blog to everyone you know, although of course that is a vital first step. You also need to make sure you're not helping the enemy by inadvertently participating in its propaganda campaign.

So, make these three simple promises and stop helping animals pull the wool, fur, feathers and scales over our eyes.

1. I will not click on headlines like the following:

Faithful dog waits for owner near Shanghai fire without eating

Horses never forget human friends

Bonobo is excellent babysitter

or anything involving a panda.

2. I will not buy books like these:

Am I Boring my Dog?

Zooborns: The newest, cutest animals from the world's zoos and aquariums!

And I will especially not buy indoctrination materials for impressionable children like:

The latter book's shameless edition for young people, ZooBorns!: Zoo Babies from Around the World

And Tango Makes Three, a classic attempt to warp young minds that this blog deconstructes here.

3. And finally, when I hear of stories like this one:

Porpoises rescue Dick Van Dyke

I will remind everyone: We never hear from the people who the dolphins push AWAY from shore.

(It should go without saying that you will definitely not buy Obey the Pug merchandise here.)


  1. I fell victim to the hype several years ago and they kept me complacent for several months with their cute puppyhood, but now I am trapped in the house and...

    Excuse me, I must now go open the door so her highness can stretch her legs in the yard.

  2. You have opened my eyes to the horrendous duplicity of cute animals nd their manipulation of the media.

    I have long suspected my cat of anti-human sentiments, and now I know the truth. I must protect my children.

    Thank you. Thank you so much.


  4. oh, damn. i clicked on the bonobo link. i'll need to try harder! ;)

  5. My eyes have been opened! I've been missing having a cat around, but this site makes me reconsider that siamese kitten I saw the other day. THANK YOU!

  6. Heather: it happens to all of us. Be strong!

    Le R, How about gay vultures?

  7. Couldn't help but click on the porpoise story. I do believe they would do anything to save Dick Van Dyke. I would.

    But as for the rest of us? As you point out, all we need ask is how many times have we heard this story before? Savages...


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.