Unclear expectations down under

If there's one thing that's important in training dogs (or any other animal), it's consistency. Maybe it's not their fault that dogs in New Zealand are going off the deep end if these two stories are any indication of how they enforce the laws around there.

One dog was given a parking ticket for being tied up outside a shop, an activity that even we here at this blog think is not much of a threat to the general peace.

But elsewhere, another dog drove a car into a store:

Wilco's owner had stopped his ute to buy beer, leaving the motor running. The dog jumped up on the column gear stick.

"Once Wilco had knocked it from park into drive, it would have been just a slow walking pace up to the front door," says (police constable) Chambers.

In the liquor store the beer had just gone on the counter.

"A lady...ran through the doors and said 'did you know that your dog's just driven through the cafe doors'. So yeah, we popped out there and it was definitely right, it was sitting in the driver's seat," says Terry Fox, store manager.

This dog was let off with only a warning! Is it any wonder animals have no idea how to behave? Sometimes, people, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Bug got your tongue?

We don't usually cover the world of parasites on this blog. Certainly, living inside another animal's body without permission is, at minimum, rude. But parasites are so disgusting, really, they seem like an easy mark.

However, a creature that's been going round the internet lately takes rude parasitism to such a level that I cannot ignore it. It is so disgusting that I'm putting the photo at the bottom of this post so if you're squeamish, I warn you, don't scroll down.

The creature is an isopod, which is normally a kind of crustacean that's inoffensive and sometimes even cute. Those roly-poly potato bugs are isopods:

And isn't this T-shirt illustration of the more awful giant isopod funny?


(buy the shirt here)

OK, we're just postponing the inevitable, a creature which the BBC describes as "A rare parasite which burrows into host fish before eating and replacing their tongues with itself."

Yes, it EATS the TONGUE of the living fish and then LIVES there in place of it. And the marine biologist who found a specimen off the Jersey coast calls it:

"Really quite large, really quite hideous - if you turn it over its got dozens of these really sharp, nasty claws underneath and I thought 'that's a bit of a nasty beast'.

This inexcusable behavior yields the situation in the following photo (and don't say I didn't warn you):


By the way, Americans, don't feel like you're safe because this was found in Britain (where earlier specimens were found in fish bought in fish markets, quite a lovely surprise at dinnertime no doubt.) In fact, the reason British biologists were so excited about this find is that normal habitat of this creature is the coast of California.


Roly-poly pillbug from Wikipedia; despite searching, I'm unable to credit the horrific photo of the tongue-eating monster, possibly because no one wants to admit being responsible for such a hideous, awful thing.

Worse than sloth

I've been having trouble sleeping lately, so I was particularly annoyed when I came across this table of, basically, animals that get more sleep than you do.

Never mind the sloth, which is in eleventh place on the list and sleeps a mere 14.4 hours per day on average, and as we've seen before is not nearly as slothful as it would like you to think. Seethe, instead, at the following numbers:

Brown Bat 19.9 hr
Giant Armadillo 18.1 hr
Opossum 18 hr
Python 18 hr
Owl Monkey 17.0 hr
Tiger 15.8 hr
Tree shrew 15.8 hr

As you'll see if you click on the link, that is, for example, 75% of the day for the python. And there's lots more. Even a gerbil sleeps thirteen hours a day. Thirteen hours! What's so hard about being a gerbil that makes them tired enough to need thirteen hours of sleep? What kinds of ideas do gerbils have to come up with? What kind of deadlines do stupid little rodents have to meet? Seriously. Gerbils.

Justice!

Rarely are the animals whose offenses are reported on this blog ever punished. But the monkey who peed on the president of Zambia, and his entire monkey tribe, are paying for their crime by being banished!

LUSAKA (AFP) – Zambia President Rupiah Banda has ordered scores of monkeys removed from the grounds of his official residence, after one urinated on his head during a press conference, a parks official said Tuesday.

More than 200 monkeys live on the State House grounds, but Banda has asked the Munda Wanga Botanical Gardens to relocate most of them to its parkland outside Lusaka, the gardens' director Bill Thomas said in a statement.

"The president recently requested to the Munda Wanga Botanic Trust to remove and relocate some of the monkeys, and so far 61 monkeys have been humanely captured and translocated to the gardens," Thomas said.

OK, so they're still going to be living in a park, and humanely captured instead of slapped around a little. But given the stuff that animals usually get completely away with, we'll take what we can get.

That perfect peeing primate once again from Flickr user dornfeld.

Not exactly "accidents"

Vote for worst behaved pet! OK, not exactly, but pet insurance company VPI is currently holding an online poll for the Hambone Award, given to the most unusual insurance claim in the past year. They say "every now and then a claim comes by that reminds us all just how unexpected unexpected pet accidents can be." But many of the claims are due to events that seem not exactly accidental:

-The French Bulldog who ate a corndog stick;
-The Lab who ate a sock, threw it up, and ate it again, this time requiring surgery;
-The bulldog who ate FIFTEEN baby pacifiers.

Honestly, anyone could make the mistake of eating ONE pacifier, but when you get up into the double digits, there is clearly some deliberation involved. And even the accidents are due to, to put it frankly, dogs acting like idiots in their usual ways. My award for Best Quote from Owner goes to this one:

For Rider, the Belgian sheepdog, the problem was a wild squirrel chase which became a reckless mission that ended in a wheelbarrow.

“It’s a decorative wheelbarrow filled with flowers next to a tree,” said Rider’s owner Joyce Biethan of Ridgefield, Wash. “The squirrel ran up the tree and I don’t know if Rider zigged when he was supposed to zag or what, but he ran right into the wheelbarrow at full speed. He broke his scapula and a rib, which punctured a lung. He was pretty miserable for a few weeks, but he’s getting better now. I wish I could give other pet owners some advice, but my dog chased a squirrel and ran into a wheelbarrow. How are you supposed to prevent that?”

There's still time to vote, till September 14th, at VPI Hambone Award.

Photo of Jean Pierre, the wild-eyed French bulldog with a taste for fair food, from VPI.

(If this post makes you want to run right out and buy pet health insurance, shop around... you can also check out ASPCA.)

Macaque maligns movie

This blog has seen many animals that encounter politicians and other management types and who don't hesitate to express their opinions in the ways that are available to them.

But this is the first time we've seen a monkey who might be a movie critic. The Telegraph reports that actor Jason Biggs was attacked by a Barbary macaque on a visit to Gibraltar:

He was visiting the disputed territory at the foot of Spain with friend and American Pie co-star Eddie Kaye Thomas when the pair came face to face with one of Gibraltar's mascots.

"Jason and Eddie decided to go on the trip to celebrate the ten-year anniversary of Pie," a source told US media.

"They were hiking in the woods when this monkey suddenly leapt on Jason from a tree and tried to bite his face off.

"Jason's travelling companions managed to fend the beast off and Jason thankfully wasn't seriously hurt, just shaken up."

The actor abruptly ended his holiday as a result of the attack and returned to the US early.

This blog ordinarily holds the view that an animal has some nerve to knock any product of the uniquely human genius for storytelling. Who are they to talk? Show me the ape Jane Austen or the dolphin Dante, the kangaroo Kubrick or even the woodchuck Woody Allen, and then we'll talk about your furry opinions about the arts.

But, although we have never seen the film that this actor is famous for, we can't help but think that this macaque may have a point, after reading bits of a few reviews such as:

The dumbest and horniest is Jim (Jason Biggs), a compulsive onanist who resembles a younger, more addlebrained Adam Sandler with a roll of baby fat. Poor Jim's experiments in self-pleasure, which include a bout with one of Mom's freshly baked apple pies...

We'll leave it at that.

If you'd like to hire some nonhuman primates who seem to think they are qualified to make their own movies, contact the chimps in the photo at Boone's Animals for Hollywood.

Fox in sheep's stolen clothing

When we previously encountered a fox that stole a hundred shoes in Germany, there was no indication that it was the start of a trend, but might today's story show that foxes around the world have designs on all parts of our wardrobes?

Charlottesville Daily Progress - Charlottesville and University of Virginia police on Wednesday brought in trappers to catch a fox near Lambeth Field that acted oddly aggressive to passersby and bit two people.

“There were four calls to the Emergency Communications Center and at least two people reported being bitten by the fox,” said Ric Barrick, Charlottesville spokesman. “Another report said the fox was acting strangely and another said it took someone’s sweater.”

On the bright side, wildlife experts seized the opportunity to educate people about wildlife, including the following important points:

“People should let wildlife go its own way,” said Ed Clark, director of the Wildlife Center of Virginia in Waynesboro. “There’s also no way to be sure that a fox that’s trapped in the area is the fox that was acting aggressive, unless it’s wearing the sweater.”

No report on why anyone was wearing or carrying a sweater on an August day in Charlottesville, VA, where another blog reported the temperature in the 90s, nor on whether the sweater was actually wool, so maybe I better check to see if my poetic license is up to date and would cover this post title.

Well-dressed Japanese foxes by Flickr user St Stev.

Revenge of the Cow or political statement? Bovine blind-politician-tipping

OK, a cow knocking over a bicyclist is one thing. Bicyclists can be pretty annoying, what with riding the wrong way down the street, ignoring traffic signals, and wearing those idiotic skin-tight shorts.

But knocking over an old blind man? On his birthday? Even if he is a politician, that is pretty impressively low. And yet in this article from the BBC, it's the damn DOG that everyone seems most concerned about:

Former Home Secretary David Blunkett is recovering after being injured by a charging cow in Derbyshire.

The incident happened on Saturday while the Sheffield MP was out walking on his 62nd birthday with his guide dog Sadie in the Peak District.

It is believed the cow ran at the dog and while trying to protect her, the blind MP fell and was trampled.

He suffered a broken rib and "painful bruising" but was declared well enough to attend a Labour Party meeting later.

Alison Pratt, from the National Farmers' Union, gave the following advice to others should they find themselves in a similar position.

"The best thing to do is to let the dog off the lead so it can run away because obviously a dog can run faster than you," she said.

"The next thing to do is to get quite quickly to the edge of the field, collect the dog and leave."

All I have to say about that is that I've told my dogs, if a cow comes after me, you better expect that you're going down too.


Bad attitude cow by Flickr user RachelJ

Pick on someone your own size!

In a milestone for this blog, we present our first evidence that even extinct animals were a bunch of bums.


Tyrannosaurus rex: mighty carnivorous giant, battling fierce rivals to the death! Or... not so much. It turns out that T. rex must have been another of those species with a spectacular press agent, because in reality, you know what they killed and ate? Little tiny babies.

TELEGRAPH, UK - Research into the predatory habits and diet of the biggest of the dinosaurs has concluded that T.rex and other members of its carnivorous theropod family preferred to dine on juveniles, preferably small enough to eat whole.

It shatters the notion that the giant battled with animals of a similar or even larger size, an image reinforced by its portrayal in Steven Spielberg's 1993 film Jurassic Park. David Hone, a British palaeontologist working in China, believes the Tyrannosaurs preferred to prey upon small and unwary baby rivals rather than their fully-grown parents.

His study, carried out with Oliver Rauhut of the Bavarian State Collection for Palaeontology and Geology in Munich, suggests baby-eating was a common behaviour among the large predatory dinosaurs, offering a possible explanation why so few juvenile dinosaurs have been found in fossil records.

Yeah, we always suspected something was funny about those little wimpy arms.

Girly T. Rex by Flickr user fluttergirl.

Be careful where you stick your hands

This blog couldn't be more pleased to introduce its first animal jewel thief. Not that we approve of such things, of course, but as chroniclers of bad behavior, it's satisfying to get to tick off another box, proving that there's really nothing that people do that animals can't do at least as well - or as badly.

DAILY MAIL, UK - A pig has swallowed the diamond from a woman's £1,500 ring.

Ginger, a Kune Kune pig, clamped his jaws around the jewel after Anne Moon put her hand into its pen at Easingwold Maize Maze in North Yorkshire.

When Mrs Moon, pictured, pulled away, the diamond had gone. Now farmer Paul Caygill, who owns the attraction, has been given the task of sifting through Ginger's sty to find the gem.

He said: 'It wasn't malicious or anything, it didn't take her finger off but took the central stone of her diamond ring.

'So far it hasn't turned up, but we are still hoping. I don't know how long it takes for nature to take its course.'

Department of Unprovoked Attacks

Even we here at Animals Behaving Badly can sympathize to some extent with the subjects of some of our reports. Biting a mayor or a zoo director might be the only way to express a legitimate grievance. And who among us can honestly say we've never wanted to pee on a president?

But what's going on when turkeys harrass postmen and innocent pedestrians, or cows knock over bicyclists?

And now we've got a woman from Austria, taking a swim on her yearly vacation to Wisconsin, attacked out of nowhere by three otters. While she had the sense to leave the water when they appeared, the otters followed her and bit her on the legs eight or nine times. She's now undergoing a series of rabies shots.

Wildlife experts had no explanation for this allegedly unusual event. But the next time you're excited to see some charming wild creature in the woods, remember this quote:

“I thought it was really cool,” she said. “I’d never seen an otter before. Then, all of a sudden, there were three of them.”

Sure it's cute, but look at the teeth on that otter from Misterqueue.

Who's worse, scientists or animals?

We used to be able to think that we were better than the animals for all kinds of reasons, but nowadays, scientists are always screwing up our illusions of superiority. It's bad enough we're not the only ones who use tools, or the only ones who are smart enough to deceive. Now we find out that we're not the only ones who can use tools to deceive.

No, monkeys haven't yet learned how to get breast implants or toupees. But scientists have recently discovered that orangutans in Borneo use leaves, held up to their mouths, to make their calls sound deeper. Because deeper calls normally come from a larger animals, the ruse means that predators may decide that they had better stay away from that BIG orangutan.

The strategy works because, like on the internet, interactions in the rainforest often aren't face to face. As primatologist Madeleine Hardus told the BBC, "Because it is very rare and difficult to get a full view of an orangutan in its rainforest habitat, this could be very advantageous, since a potential predator will have to rely more on sounds than sight in these conditions."

Still, there's some comfort in knowing that although orangutans have learned to lie about their appearance to someone they haven't met in the flesh, we're still the only animal who can use fake photos of ourselves on Internet dating sites... we hope.

Orang using a leaf as a tool to drink water by Flickr user doug88888

Of course the cat gets away with it

It's a new trend among criminals - blaming the animal. But it's not working out too well for most of them. Unfortunately, they don't seem to be readers of this blog, so they're not choosing very plausible crimes. The woman who said the dog forced her to steal by eating her checkbook who we read about last month was the best of them - at least we know that dogs do eat money.

But what was the woman thinking who blamed her horse for being drunk? Even a quick glance at the posts on drunkenness here would show that there are much more plausible creatures to blame for that.

And now we've got this fellow in Florida. Well, he's got the cat walking on the keyboard thing right -

JENSEN BEACH, FL — A well-known mathematical theory states that a group of monkeys randomly typing on a typewriter could eventually write the complete works of William Shakespeare by pure chance.

But Martin County Sheriff’s investigators said there is no chance that one cat could randomly type words on a computer keyboard to download child pornography 1,000 times.

But that’s the excuse that 48-year-old Keith Griffin, of Jensen Beach, gave after investigators found 1,000 images of child pornography on his computer, detectives say. Griffin was arrested today on 10 counts of possession of child pornography.

When deputies searched Griffin’s home and talked to him, he told detectives that he would leave the room sometimes while downloading music and when he returned, his cat had jumped up on the keyboard and strange images were downloaded.

Griffin is being held in the Martin County Jail on $250,000 bail. The cat was not charged with any crimes and is being cared for by a family friend, according to sheriff’s officials.

Ominous cat on computer by Flickr user evilpoet.

Britian invaded by killer breakfast-food-stealing chipmunks

In the US we think of chipmunks as just the cutest little guys. It probably doesn't even cross most people's minds that they are rodents, related to the reviled rat and mouse.

But the British know better. Siberian chipmunks have become an invasive species in Europe. And we're not talking "invasive" as in "lots of them in some woods I never see somewhere, oh isn't that too bad." We're talking HOME INVASION.

THE SUN - A killer chipmunk terrorised a family by invading their kitchen and munching their Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.

Horrified trucker Bryan Foreman, 50, found the critter with its head in the cereal box.

He and wife Susan fear the rodent is one of the vicious Siberian chipmunks which The Sun last week warned were set to invade Britain.

The creature left Bryan and Susan's two cats shaking - and they and the family's dog now can't go into the garden.

Mum-of-four Susan, 44, from the Isle of Sheppey, Kent, said: "It was terrifying. I've never seen anything like it.

"We could hear it banging about in the kitchen and when my husband went in it had its head in the cereal and was munching away.

"He shouted and it ran back out into the garden.

"We think it had a good go at whatever else it found in the cupboards as well.

"My cats are traumatised. We're too scared to let them out in case it's still lurking."

French naturalist Guy Bruel, who issued one of the first Siberian chipmunk alerts, is sure the rodent was one of them.

He warned that other people could find unwelcome guests as the pesky invaders start to get hungry.

The animals can be infected with deadly Lyme disease, which hits the nervous system. They can also carry rabies.

Guy said: "They will stop at nothing to get what they want. This includes sneaking into people's homes to have a nibble of food.

"They look cuddly and harmless, and this makes them particularly dangerous. If startled they can give a nasty nip, especially when cornered."

Susan first spotted the chipmunk in her garden running along the fence. It later made its way into the house by brazenly jumping on the cats' den.

She added: "Usually the cats are really playful but now they're very quiet and reclusive. I don't know what it did to scare them so badly."

More sensationalist chipmunk coverage from The Sun here, or just try the search here to see what's new, because The Sun is on top of this story.


Deceptively adorable chipmunk by Flickr user wwarby.

Is it those big brown innocent eyes that do it?

All over the world, dogs get away with crimes against property - even when their own owner's money is involved. A dog who ate a checkbook was accused of driving his owner to theft, but no charges of conspiracy were filed, as we saw earlier in July.

And when a dog in North Carolina ate $400, did his owner make him go out and get a job to pay her back? No - she picked through his poop to find pieces of bills to wash off and paste together.

Sadly, when an owner does try to hold his pet accountable for misuse of funds, he gets no help from the police, as a Kenyan man found:

NAIROBI - Robert Njeru, 25, of Nakuru, took his dog to the local police station after it chewed up almost 3 000 Kenyan shillings (about R250).

The farmer had left his rent money for the month on his bed when he went to work.

When he returned that night, all that remained were a few shreds of banknotes on the floor.

A furious Njeru marched his dog down to the police station and demanded that officers lock up the animal.

Police reportedly refused until he paid them 50 shillings to make it worth their while.

On hearing about the story, the district police boss fired the officer for accepting a bribe and released the dog back to its owner.

Police spokesman Steven Karungu said: "It was a really stupid thing for the police to lock up a dog after being given a bribe. It degrades the police force in this area.

"It is true the dog ate his master's money, but it was because of his own carelessness, and he should deal with his problems by himself and not involve the police."

Njeru has still not forgiven his dog and has put it up for sale for 20 shillings.

Photo from Flickr user mil8, who notes: "Reason to keep 'big bills on the inside' of a money clip #45: Dogs will get tired eating their way through the small bills."