People who don't read this blog

OK, maybe it's too much to expect everyone to sit down and read the entire archive of this blog back to 2009, as well as the book, although you'd definitely be safer if you did.

But some people really ought to at least check out the most recent posts before heading out into the wilderness. Just a few days after my post about murderous mountain goats, this report surfaced from Utah:

A man spotted dressed in a goat suit among a herd of wild goats in the mountains of northern Utah has wildlife officials worried he could be in danger as hunting season approaches.

Wildlife officials were contacted by a concerned citizen who observed and photographed something odd:

Coty Creighton, 33, spotted the goat man Sunday during his hike. He said he came across the herd, but noticed something odd about one goat that was trailing behind the rest. “I thought maybe it was injured,” Creighton said Friday. “It just looked odd.”

He said he pulled out binoculars to get a closer look at the herd about 200 yards away and was shocked. The man appeared to be acting like a goat while wearing the crudely made costume, which had fake horns and a cloth mask with cut-out eye holes, Creighton said.

“I thought, ‘What is this guy doing?’ ” Creighton said. “He was actually on his hands and knees. He was climbing over rocks and bushes and pretty rough terrain on a steep hillside.”

Officials wanted to warn the man of the danger, but initially he clearly didn't want to listen. After the incident made the news, they got an "agitated" anonymous phone call saying “Leave goat man alone. He’s done nothing wrong.”

Eventually, the goat man was convinced by a friend to come clean. He explained that he was trying out an idea for a hunting disguise. The man's name was not released, nor any explanation for how he expected to look enough like a goat to fool the goats and yet not get shot by his fellow hunters.

People, don't try this at home. Or in the field. As a Utah wildlife official said:

“People do some pretty out there things in the name of enjoying wildlife. But I’ve never had a report like this,” Douglass said. “There’s a saying we have among biologists — You don’t go far enough, you don’t get the data. You go too far, you don’t go home. The same is true with some wildlife enthusiasts.”

Midsummer Linkarama

"SuperSlug" invades England:

“Too many slugs can cause problems, not just for gardeners. In Austria, they have had incidents of car accidents because the numbers have built up on the road and formed this horrible slimy slick and cars have skidded off.”

Stupid vacation ideas:

Unsuspecting Silvana Straccia paid $100 to swim with the creatures at Bavaro Beach in Punta Cana, wearing a bikini with a metal ring on it that irritated the dolphins.
Moments after she entered the enclosure, a dolphin locked on to her and whipped her in the face with its tail before hitting her in the stomach - sending her to the hospital with broken cartilage and requiring 8 weeks of bed rest.

 Beaver bites girl; another authority who doesn't read this blog is quoted:

“I’ve been around a long time, and I’ve never really heard of anybody getting bit by a beaver,” said Lowe, a 23-year veteran of the Sheriff’s Office.

 And finally for your entertainment, a relatively authoritative take on who would win a fight between a lion and a tiger.

Tiger with an ice treat at the National Zoo... don't assume this will make him keep his cool.

Presented without comment

from RT.com:

VIPeed: Circus tiger gives audience a real show

A group of top businessmen got more than they bargained for from a night at the circus when a tiger urinated on their VIP box. Fortunately, their spirits weren’t dampened.

­The tiger, nicknamed Kesha, answered the call of nature right in the middle of the night’s performance  in the Kazakhstan city of Ekibastuz, reports Interfax citing an eyewitness.
“The jet launched over two meters and hit the VIP box,” the witness said.

“The tiger was sitting atop a stand when the tamer cracked his whip. But instead of performing the act, the tiger lifted his leg and targeted the people occupying the expensive seats,” another witness told Novosti-Kazakhstan news agency.

The ludicrous incident provoked quite a lot of laughter around, but didn’t interrupt the show. None of the guests who suffered the surprise left the circus.

The animal is part of the Old Moscow Circus troupe, which is touring Kazakhstan at present. It has been performing in Ekibastuz for about two weeks.

Heat wave linkarama

Too exhausted by the weather to keep up with all the bad animals, who are apparently unaffected, or perhaps even inspired, I offer this reading material from around the internet:

Interview with a Nutria

Cow stampede in England with video

Your cat wants you to die: toxiplasmosis and suicide

And finally, what happens to people who don't read this blog: They should have known since 2009 that otters are a danger to swimmers, but instead when this woman is attacked in Minnesota, alleged experts are all "I've never seen or heard of it before."

Looking at that fine set of teeth photographed by Flickr user Peter Trimming, how could anyone be surprised?

Our own worst enemies

Apes can make plenty of trouble on their own. But instead of watching our backs, human scientists like to make excuses for them, like the ones who argued that poop-throwing is a sign of intelligence.

And worse, some even go out of their way to teach them dangerous skills. That's a picture of Kanzi the bonobo, the most famous resident of the Great Ape Trust in Iowa. Kanzi's language skills are terrifying enough - these animals are physically stronger than us, the last thing we need is for them to also be able to win a verbal argument.  And now they've given him another potential weapon: they've taught him how to make fire.

The photo above is a closeup of him lighting a match, and you can see a whole slideshow of Kanzi cooking a meal at The Telegraph. Yes, I'd be the first to say that more animals should be able to make their own meals. But we should be teaching them to use the microwave, NOT a skill that can be used in such dangerous ways.

What's more, Kanzi is now teaching his offspring how to start fires as well. All I can say is that whatever happens next at the Great Ape Trust, those researchers have got it coming to them.

A narrow escape

A member of the Animals Behaving Badly household is on a hiking vacation in Washington State, and earlier this week, I received this picture and an excited phone call from the wilderness about this wildlife sighting.

In the course of the conversation I turned to Google to confirm my recollection that the mountain goat is not a true goat and is related to the musk ox. In just the first few search results, what I found made me turn the conversation away from classification and say instead "Get the heck out of there!"

This is what was going on on the next mountain over:

Several reports of aggressive mountain goats have prompted Olympic National Forest officials to close a popular trail on Mount Ellinor for at least two weeks.

"Nobody has been hurt by the goats. But a number of people have felt threatened."

And well they should, because this is a headline from a few short months ago:

Hiker killed by mountain goat in the Olympic National Forest

In October, an experienced hiker had stopped for lunch with friends when they were approached by a mountain goat. Although they tried to retreat, he was gored. A park ranger struggled to shoo the goat away from the injured man, and eventually he was extracted from the situation, but died later at a hospital.

Officials seemed to downplay the danger, attributing this crime to one crazed individual:

Officials said this is the only known fatal attack by a mountain goat in the park's history. About 300 mountain goats live in the park.

Barb Maynes, park spokeswoman, said the ram involved in the attack was known for its aggressive behavior, and the park had been monitoring the ram for "the last several years," she said.

The perpetrator was tracked down and executed, but the family of the victim is suing. And still, typically, when asked for comment on the current trail closing, wildlife experts make excuses for the animals:

While mountain goats are powerful and inquisitive they aren't generally aggressive, said Kurt Aluzas, a wildlife biologist. He told KING that the recent behavior is likely related to this year's deep snowpack that has confined the goats to trailside areas close to people. There's also the possibility that female goats are protecting their young.

The blog recommends that vacationers in Washington State not trust their lives to the opinions of wildlife biologists. One friend of the blog suggested that there are many safer alternatives:

The only time I was in Seattle I saw the Indigo Girls, frisbee dogs and a lot of boats. No one was ever killed by the Indigo Girls.

Enabling bad primates

- In Indonesia, a zoo is preparing to move an orangutan to rehab, out of the reach of those who supply her habit. An island exhibit far from visitors is the only way to get Tori to quit smoking:

Tori learned to smoke 10 years ago by imitating zoo visitors, who would throw their cigarette butts into her open cage. She has been smoking ever since, according to activists. They say she holds up two fingers to her mouth to indicate she wants a cigarette and becomes angry and throws things if none are readily available.

"It is very common in Indonesian zoos for people to throw cigarettes or food [at animals] even though there are signs to not feed or give cigarettes," says Baktiantoro. "It happens all the time. [In Tori's case], people will throw cigarettes in, watch her smoke, start laughing and take pictures."

- And in South Africa, one of the most prestigious wildlife media organizations in the world is under fire for encouraging bad baboons. Regular readers of this blog are familiar with the baboons of South Africa who break into cars and houses to steal food.  Now National Geographic has given them their own reality show:

For the new Nat Geo Wild show, "Big Baboon House," a house near Pringle Bay, about 50 miles from Cape Town, was modified to allow hidden cameras to film a troop of Chacma baboons, creating a Big Brother-style show. Windows and doors were left open to let in the baboons.

On "Big Baboon House," the animals are anthropomorphized to within an inch of their lives, given human voice-overs and different names and personalities.

Local conservationists are appalled, but National Geographic was ready with rationalizations:

According to the Cape Times, National Geographic said in a statement that the baboons were not lured into the house, but "ultimately entered it of their own volition."

Meghan Gleason, digital media content producer for National Geographic Channels, wrote on an official blog that Nat Geo Wild had “undertaken a simian social experiment of a lifetime” to understand baboon behavior “so we can learn how to keep them out of homes and coexist peacefully with their human counterparts … all while having a little fun along the way as we observe these baboons having free rein over a posh house."

We suggest that National Geographic executives watch this video sent in by a faithful reader that shows what can happen to people who take the side of bad monkeys. Yes it's a cartoon, but remember that fiction can express profound truths.

Terror and lies from the depths

Still only tenuously connected to the 21st century, so if you're better off than I am, go read these two stories of aquatic evil:
A dolphin terrorizes the suburbs of New Orleans
Cuttlefish communicate via patterns in their skin - so of course they lie that way too.

Interruption in service

 

Pug poses with storm damage

Till we return to the 21st century here at Animals Behaving Badly headquarters, I recommend this story of chimps who don't appreciate everything Jane Goodall has done for them, and this patient explanation of how normal it is for chimps to kill their babies.

Apes learn to reverse surgery?

A bit late on this story from back in April, but it should not escape mention on this blog:

Conan, the twice-vasectomized former research chimp, has fathered yet another surprise baby at Chimp Haven.

That makes two for Conan, and there may be a third on the way.

That's the word from the Keithville sanctuary, following DNA testing to determine the paternity of Valentina Rose, born on Valentine's Day to 29-year-old Flora.

This surprised Chimp Haven employees because all of the male chimps in the group have had vasectomies. Especially Conan, who was re-vasectomized after another unexpected birth in 2006.

Flora's surprise pregnancy prompted a round of tests for the rest of the females in her group, which revealed yet another pregnancy. 42-year-old Ginger is expected to deliver in late July or early August.

Despite the fact that it doesn't seem to do any good, plans were underway to give Conan a vasectomy again. I don't have any idea what's going on here, but it's definitely bad behavior.


The only good chimp is a chimp statue, by Flickr user Haags Uitboro.

Should we call this a canine cat burglar?

It's been a while since we saw a kleptomanic kitty on the blog, perhaps because that sort of thing isn't even news anymore. In England, in Seattle and California, cats have been reported who collect stolen items from all over their neighborhoods: gloves, toys, shoes and even underwear. There are so many of these cats that the editor of the book wouldn't let me include them all, claiming they were boringly repetitive.

But I don't think we've ever reported on a similar canine criminal. So now, meet this Australian golden retriever:

Owner Michael Shaw explained that his eight-year-old pooch mysteriously turned up with an unopened loaf of bread on Sunday morning, dropping it on the front step and lying down proudly next to her freshly baked trophy.

It didn’t stop there. Gillie has since returned with a total of 12 full loaves of sliced bread and two packets of muffins, despite the fact the closest shop is a 10-minute drive away.

“She brings back things quite often, but normally it’s an old gumboot or something like that,” Mr Shaw, 25, said today. “The only thing she’s eaten is the first bag of muffins and there was a new fresh bag there this morning and it was untouched.”

Gillie’s modus operandi up to this point has been to deliver the loaves one-by-one at the front step, then lie amongst her baked booty proudly with a wag in her tail.

“It’s like she’s bringing us gifts - she just lies around all of them,” Mr Shaw said.

He is yet to hear from neighbours about any missing baked goods, so the mystery continues.

While this is the first doggy thief and hoarder of this sort that has appeared on the blog, let's be careful not to let this become a salvo in the eternal war between cat people and dog people. It's hardly evidence that dogs are more moral than cats: the only reason we don't hear of such cases more often is that so many places now have laws against letting dogs roam.  They have the means and motive, they just don't usually have the opportunity. And let's keep it that way.


Speaking of animal thieves, are you reading Animals Behaving Badly on Tumblr? If you're not, you missed a lemur with an umbrella. It's not too late!

Bad animal longreads

I simply cannot keep up with the bad animals! Go and read these three stories, they all deserve your full attention:

-A first person account by a man who was nearly killed by a cow:

It's hard to comprehend just how big a cow is until you're underneath one, looking up at it. I've no idea what made her so angry – I've waved at cows before and they've always backed off. But this one seemed possessed. She was making the most terrible bellowing, bawling sound – I think she genuinely wanted to kill me.

-A warning for bunnyhugger types: A man in Oregon tried to save a mouse from a cat and is now in critical condition with plague. Yes, that plague. THE BLACK DEATH.

-And before you order any more of that delicious calamari: Squid can have sex with your mouth. Experts emphasize that this can't actually make your pregnant with squid, but does that really make it any better?


Photo by Flickr user - and person who was lucky to escape with his life - rick harrison.

Classics old and new

Animals interfering with transportation is an old theme on this blog, and two recent cases carry on the tradition:

-In New York City, a woman - welll, I'll let the Daily News tell it:

A hotel supervisor was forced to drop her pants in the middle of a full midtown subway car Friday — when a brazen rat darted up her trouser leg. Ana Vargas, 40, said she was sitting in an A train heading downtown as it approached the Columbus Circle station about 7:50 a.m. when the rodent suddenly sprang. 

“I thought it was my pants moving,” Vargas told the Daily News. “It just crawled up my leg. I shook it and nothing came out.” But then she realized she was being attacked. “I said, ‘Oh, my God — it’s an animal on my leg!’ ” she recalled. “He was very big. I was shaking, but nothing was coming out . . . I had to pull my pants down in front of everyone on the train.”

-This one is a twofer, also falling in the long tradition of animal drunkenness: A driver in northern France was forced off the road when a drunk deer stumbled in front of his car:

The driver was unharmed. But the police officers and firemen who rushed to the site were bemused. The deer was still there, bumbling across the road. They surrounded him in the central reservation on the road and noticed the deer clearly seemed under the weather - stumbling and disoriented.

It later emerged the deer was drunk after consuming one too many spring buds - a common cause of deer inebriation in spring.

And speaking of animals and people dropping their pants, we may be seeing the start of a new bad animal tradition. Recently we saw a man attacked by a bear while in an outhouse. And now an interesting story out of Sweden:

A half-naked 61-year-old Swedish man who was relieving himself in the woods got quite a start when a rampaging bear chasing an elk knocked him down – all as his wife recorded the unlikely chain of events with an iPad.

Last Sunday, Ola Åkesson left his normally tranquil summer cabin in the Ängraån nature reserve in northerneastern Sweden to take what he referred to as his “night time piss”.

Looking up as he heeded nature's call, Åkesson saw a baby elk on the other side of the stream.

“I called to my wife to get out the iPad to film the elk, when all of a sudden she screamed that there was a bear behind me,” Åkesson told The Local.

“I turned around and there was a huge bear right beside me – maybe half a metre away, I could have reached out and touched it – but I didn’t even have time to think.”

As the bear came charging onto the scene, Åkesson fell to the ground, all the while with his wife screaming in the background while filming the commotion.

Wondering how we've gotten to the end of this long post and still have no explanation of that seemingly unrelated photograph? Check out the new Animals Behaving Badly Tumblr, where we'll be collecting bad animal stories with particularly cool photos.

Possums vs Politicans

The most cursory search of this blog reveals that in Australia, animals are always out to get you,
from violent and perverted kangaroos to home-invading crocs to cute wombats gone mad, just to name a few.

And these animals are no respecters of status or precious cultural artifacts, as the Australian prime minister has found.

In the past Australian wildlife has been on Julia Gillard's side. When she was running for office in 2010, a crocodile correctly predicted the results of the election when it ate the chicken decorated with her photo, instead of one of her opponent.

But now she's narrowly escaped international embarrassment and been forced out of her official residence by some cute, fluffy Australian natives. She was hosting a dinner for a visiting foreign leader when suddenly all the guests were politely but quickly shooed out of the dining room. The reason, she told a reporter:

"It was because someone had spotted that wee was making its way down the wall to one of the very precious paintings from the National Gallery."

Due in part to these peeing possums living in the roof, she's moving out so the residence can be renovated.

Of course, news reports also noted that the 80-year old building badly needs new wiring and the removal of asbestos, and the possums are just the last straw for a project that's been neglected for decades. Perhaps these badly behaved marsupials are on her side after all?


Stand back from those possums in the rafters photographed by Flickr user Deirdre who knows better than to get too close, and thanks for the story tip to faithful reader Jennah Ferrara.

Bad animal historical dramas

Major developments in a couple of very long-running stories, one that we didn't even know was a story till now:

-In Austria, a tale to dent in any faith you may have left in marriage: Two tortoises who've been a couple for 115 years are getting a divorce, or at least a trial separation. They had to be moved to separate cages after they started attacking each other:

Zoo boss Helga Happ said: "We get the feeling they can't stand the sight of each other anymore."

Zoo management have called in animal experts to try and give the pair counselling - feeding them romantic good mood food and trying to get them to join in joint games - but so far without effect.

Zoo boss Helga added: "They are both 115 years old - they have been together since they were young and grew up together, eventually becoming a pair.

"But for no reason that anyone can discover they seem to have fallen out, they just can't stand each other."

 -And in London, the discovery of what might be called a prequel to the research we celebrated on Dead Duck Day: On the Scott expeditions to the Antaractic in 1910-1913, scientist George Murray Levick observed Adélie penguins during their breeding season, and what he saw was deemed so shocking that it was basically suppressed till now:

During that time, he witnessed males having sex with other males and also with dead females, including several that had died the previous year. He also saw them sexually coerce females and chicks and occasionally kill them.

He omitted this sexual depravity from his published work on the species, reporting it only in a privately circulated paper that the Natural History Museum has unearthed and, finally, published.

The museum's curator of birds, who found the pamphlet, makes excuses both for Levick's concealment of the truth, and for the penguins:

"For example, a dead penguin, lying with its eyes half-open, is very similar in appearance to a compliant female. The result is the so-called necrophilia that Levick witnessed and which so disgusted him.... Levick was also a gentleman, travelling with a group of men in very difficult circumstances, witnessing behaviour he neither expected nor understood," said Russell. "It is not surprising that he was shocked by his findings."

I'm not sure any of that's an excuse, but it's only fair to say that Levick is not alone: here's part of what the author of the research on which Dead Duck Day is based says about the story:

I know what Levick must have felt. In 1995, it took me six years before I decided to publish my observation of (the first case of) homosexual necrophilia in the mallard duck.

I don't know what those Adelie penguins are doing in that photo by Flickr user StromPetrel, but it's probably better not to ask.