Two bad birds

In England, even experts are forced to admit a bird is out of hand, although in a rather low-key way:

A "terrorist" pheasant has been attacking vehicles and chasing cats and dogs at a Cambridgeshire farm.

Anne-Marie Hamilton said the male bird, which she described as "a complete lunatic", arrived at Wood Farm in Hail Weston three weeks ago.

A delivery driver was trapped for 20 minutes after the bird blocked his way, flew at the bonnet then chased his van.

When it is not busy seeing off her dogs, cats and visitors' vehicles, the pheasant has taken up residence outside her patio doors.

"We keep a big stick there so we can get in and out," she said.

The British Trust for Ornithology said the pheasant was protecting his territory but was "a little extreme".

But in America, one officer showed how it's done, even for a minor infraction:

Corpus Christi Police apprehended a chicken after it crossed the road Sunday afternoon at the 1600 block of Agnes Street. Corpus Christi Police Officer David Saldana, known among his peers as the “Chicken Hawk,” saw a chicken cross the road at about 2pm Sunday. Officer Saldana attempted to detain the chicken for crossing outside of a cross walk, but the chicken fled on foot from Officer Saldana. The chicken jumped through the open window to an unoccupied vehicle in an attempt to escape, but there were no keys in the ignition of the vehicle. Officer Saldana successfully captured the chicken and placed the chicken in his patrol car. Officer Saldana then transported the chicken to Animal Care Services. The chicken was identified as a Black Australorp. Case closed.

Bad Farm Animal Linkarama

For today, links to some excellent pieces from elsewhere about bad farm animals:

How to Survive A Cow Attack
  Includes the excellent advice:

If you have a cow or bull that you know to be prone to violent outbursts, Sanderson says, get rid of it. Have a nice steak dinner. Invite your friends.

 Drunk Pigs 

“Some were looking at me like, ‘Woohoo!’” Shore says, her voice trailing away into laughter. “They were really, really, really drunk.” A few pigs were trying to walk but their back legs kept giving out, and the rest were spinning in circles, kicking up their back heels, and as Shore says, “snortin’ and dancing around; having a good ol’ time.”

NY State vs Feral Swine

Andersen figures the hogs have caused upwards of $40,000 in damage on his farm.

The worst loss was a corn crop that the pigs took out twice in a row, Andersen said.

"In a week they had cleaned the field. Eleven acres," he said. "I replanted it. Man, it was gorgeous. About four or five inches high. I was in there on a Thursday night. I came back on a Monday morning and it was gone. There wasn't a piece left anywhere, they just cleaned it. Went right down the rows, vrooooom."
 

Photo of brave law enforcement officer encountering a pig on the loose from the Santa Monica Police department's Facebook page.

Bad Animals at the Zoo

-When fifteen flamingos were found brutally murdered at a German zoo, some decapitated and apparently stabbed, the zoo director called it "shocking incident" and said zoo staff were "speechless". And the press immediately jumped to certain sorts of conclusions:

The flamingo killings in Frankfurt leave the German media guessing. "Who would do such a thing?" asks Die Welt daily. "Psychopaths? Was it a completely out-of-order test of courage among young people? Or was it Satanists?"

Nope: testing showed that the culprit wasn't even human -  it was a fox.

The zoo director is quoted as saying "we are relieved that we are not dealing with an animal abuser." Not sure why, since they're just as dead, and you can't even use the excuse that the fox killed out of hunger. But that's how it goes: animals always get away with murder.

-in Indianapolis, two orangutans escaped from their enclosure at a brand new $26 million dollar exhibit. They never got into public areas but apparently disassembled a camera, no doubt to erase evidence of their escape.

This sort of thing is no surprise to readers of this blog, and it certainly isn't to zookeepers. As a zoo spokesperson explained:

Unlike many other species, orangutans are "subtle" problem solvers, Simmons said. Instead of actively working at a problem — such as how to get out of an enclosure — they tend to think through a solution and then act, not giving humans any indication of their plans.

So despite all the human ingenuity put into making the exhibit escape-proof, they decided there was only one way to be sure: they're giving the animals two months in the facility before they open it to the public, to test whether it's really escape-proof. Good idea, as these two primates have proven.



Photo of an orang using an iPad from the National Zoo, where staff have apparently lost their minds - as if orangs can't make enough trouble on their own, what could they do with access to the Internet?

Elephants vs Parked Cars in Missouri

Elephant rampages in natural elephant habitat are so common that they're barely worth a mention on this blog. It's a bit different when they break out of a Midwestern circus and trash cars in a parking lot.

"Things started shaking, When I looked up I saw three elephants coming toward us," Sally Schmiz, a witness to the event, said. "These huge elephants literally went through these huge RVs. Then they went through two trucks breaking mirrors off, and panels off and breaking the windows."

Another witness overheard staff trying to recapture the pachyderms: a trainer reportedly yelled "we need pretzels, anything, just get me some food."

As I was always taught in my zoo jobs, keeping the public away from an escaped animal is a high priority, and the circus staff apparently did this effectively. The responsible thing to do, yes, but with the sad result that the photo above is the best I can find of the incident in progress.

The animals were reportedly brought under control after about 45 minutes and given the rest of the day off. Later coverage is headlined "Elephant trainers still don't know what caused elephant escape." But I note that the elephants in question had the job of letting children ride them, and while I am not making excuses, wouldn't that send you on a rampage too?

Stick 'em up

A brief item, but worth our undivided attention: Police in Tucson are looking for a man who robbed a bank with an unusual weapon. As a police officer told the news:

Dugan said the suspect approached the teller and put a basket holding a white Chihuahua on the counter. He then demanded money and fled westbound from the store on foot with an undisclosed amount of cash and the dog, according to a news release.

The article goes on to say that "No weapon was seen or mentioned," but obviously the teller knew better, as would any reader of this blog. We've seen rampaging gangs of them terrorizing a neighborhood, and the Chihuahua is one of the top three breeds mostly likely to bite people. With its convenient hand-held size, what better breed to use to rob a bank?

When cats - and the media - attack

No doubt you've already heard the story of the Portland couple who called 911 last week because their 22-pound cat had them trapped in their bedroom. I say "no doubt" because the local newspaper at this point has a collection of Headlines from Around the World. But in case you haven't, here's basically how it went down:

Dispatchers stayed on the phone while the couple locked themselves — along with their baby and the family dog — in a bedroom.

Owner Lee Palmer told dispatchers the 4-year-old male cat "has a history of violence," and had scratched his 7-month old son in the forehead. 

Palmer said he tried to get the cat off his son: "I kicked the cat in the rear, and it has gone over the edge. He's trying to attack us -- he's very hostile. He's at our door; he's charging us."

The dispatcher asked her supervisor if it was OK to send police on such an unusual call. It was. Meanwhile, on the 911 tape, the cat can be heard screaming in the background.

Police snared the cat and that might have been the end of it, except... the internet, and cats. So the couple's next problem was finding themselves in the middle of a media maelstrom.

On Monday, police issued a press release detailing the rescue. The story, too, went ballistic, attracting worldwide attention and keeping both Palmer and Barker’s cellphones buzzing and ringing into Tuesday.

In addition to the media attention, Baker and Palmer have been fielding calls from people who want to adopt Lux and others offering psychological counseling for the cat. Barker and Palmer are also expecting a call from the producers of the Animal Planet show “My Cat from Hell.”

The couple say that they don't want to get rid of the cat - which is what the poor folks would have to say when they're in the spotlight like this. And sure, they've been offered help.... but before they meet that TV star cat guy, I hope they realize whose side he's on. In an interview, while admitting he hasn't yet met the cat in question, he makes all kind of excuses: Maybe it's sick, and "he also suggests asking if there have been any changes in the home environment that might have led up to the attack."

And yes, to be fair, the scratch occurred after the baby pulled the cat's tail. But still, he considers every possibility except one: Maybe this cat is just plain bad.

Combination of bad animals close down school for a day

Just when I think I've seen everything... Hoofstock crashing into school buildings is nothing new. Dogs attacking other animals is certainly nothing new. Animals interfering with children getting an education -  we've seen that more than once.

But this is a combination that impresses even me: in Anne Arundel County, Maryland, three deer smashed into a school building, two dogs followed, and the result was mayhem:

When the officers arrived they found chairs knocked over in the lobby and broken glass at a door next to the cafeteria. They also found a deer on the floor being attacked by a German shepherd.

When officers passed another doorway, they found a second deer “sitting on the floor in distress.” Police said the animal was suffering from “apparent bite marks.” 

Officers found another dog, and another deer trapped in a hallway that was so badly injured that it died. The other two deer were later euthanized due to the extend of their injuries.

The dogs were captured, and their owners were located, but they're reported to be in the custody of animal control. No word on possible charges, but damage is estimated at up to $5000 and the two schools sharing the building lost a day of classes. A spokesperson said:

“The extent of the cleanup that was necessary was such that we could not open either school. It was a pretty gory scene.”

Bad bird roundup

Last week we saw what was possibly a bird-fish conspiracy against aircraft - frightening, but at least it's something you could avoid by simply never leaving the house. But that won't help, because as these two stories show, birds can get at you where you live:

-Try to help the environment and here's how birds will thank you: An English couple says they're living through hell because dozens of pigeons are nesting under the solar panels on their roof:

Stephen Fishenden and wife Linda, 65, of Wittenham Way in Chingford, say they have lived through “hell” since the birds began to seek shelter beneath the energy-saving panels, which were fitted by a contractor working for council homes manager Ascham Homes. Mr Fishenden first complained to Ascham Homes in March last year about the “horrendous” noise keeping them awake at night and his wife’s deteriorating health.

The 65 year-old said: "I specifically asked at the time if we would have any problems with birds and was reassured they would not be a problem.

"It has been hell and has made my wife ill. She’s asthmatic and is having to use her pump more regularly. We are both constantly awake and have had hundreds of sleepless nights. It is particularly horrendous in the morning."

-And if you need another reason to quit smoking, this one is for the birds: A London fire has been blamed by investigators on a bird with a butt:

"When we got up into the roof, we were baffled as there were no obvious ignition sources. No-one had been up to there for a long time and there were no electrics that could have sparked a blaze.

"Neighbours told us they often saw birds flying in and out of a hole in the roof. We believe that one of the birds picked up a cigarette butt that was still smouldering and dropped it into the nest, causing it to catch fire and set the roof alight."

Surprising new animal threat to airplanes

The Internet continues to be obsessed with bad things happening to crocodilians: this time it's photos of an otter killing an alligator. I have to admit that is one bad-ass otter, but a far more important story is flying – or swimming – under the radar.

Birds crashing into planes is a widely acknowledged and serious problem. And we've seen other animals interfering with traffic on runways as well, including goats and turtles.

I was surprised that turtles could interfere with air traffic, even on the ground. But never mind that: now we've got a plane that was hit on takeoff by a FISH.

It happened at a military base in Florida where a plane aborted a takeoff after hitting what it assumed was a bird. But when the evidence was collected by the base's wildlife managed and analyzed by experts, a different story emerged.

“I found a fish on the runway,” says Garven. “It was a comical thing.”

Garven picked up the fish, a nine-inch sheepshead, and met the NOAA crew at Hangar 5, where she collected DNA samples from the jet. She sent that off to the Smithsonian Institution’s identification laboratory and two weeks later, received a report back.

The DNA on the plane belonged to the sheepshead.

The assumption is that an eagle was eating a fish on the runway, took off when the plane did, and dropped its lunch. Perhaps that's reassuring, compared to the idea that fish can attack a plane in flight. Or perhaps that's even worse: if birds no longer need to make suicide attacks to bring down aircraft, but can use weapons, there's nothing to stop them now.

Eagle collecting ammunition by Flickr user wels.net

Snakes too close for comfort

Snakes have been in the news lately. A snake-handling preacher's TV career came to an abrupt end when he died of a bite, and the Internet has seemed rather impressed by a snake that ate a crocodile in Australia.

These stories probably don't concern you, since you have the sense not to handle venomous snakes and to stay away from Australia where all of nature is trying to kill you - or at least stay indoors if you can't help living there. And you probably think if you leave snakes alone they'll leave you alone. Kind of hard to apply this advice, though, when they show up in your toilet.

In Mumbai, a woman had just used the toilet when she realized that everything in the bathroom was out of place, with toiletries fallen to the floor. She called her husband.

He suddenly heard the sound of water being displaced in the toilet bowl and before he could inspect it, the 6-foot cobra stuck its head out, much to the family's horror.

It took nearly two hours for experts to remove the snake from the pipes and take it away to be released, but for the family, it's not over, says the man.

"Now every time we want to use the toilet, we will inadvertently think about this incident."

And in Australia, even staying indoors doesn't help. When one Queensland man saw a snake in this toilet, he took it more calmly – after poking it and decided it was dead, he flushed it down and went about his business. Two days later he found he was wrong

"My partner came home to find the snake back and it was alive," he said. "Let's just say there were a few expletives."

Perhaps it's no wonder that the guy kept a cooler head than the family in the last story. While that Mumbai neighborhood is near a nature preserve, apparently snakes rarely come into buildings. Not so their relatives down under:

Snake catcher Bryan Robinson said toilet encounters were not uncommon. The Ipswich and western Brisbane business relocates at least one snake from toilet a month.

And it turns out that even staying far from the entire country of Australia might not help, as a woman in Sweden learned. She found an escaped pet snake on the floor of her apartment, and before authorities arrived, it had hidden inside her stereo loudspeakers.

"The woman was terrified for real, but we were not scared, we never are," Södermalm police told The Local.

In the end, the officers turned to the animal park for advice. Zookeepers suggested putting the entire speaker in a large bag and delivering the package to the park, and the police did as they were told.

Not only were the police unmoved, the director of the local aquarium that took the snake said that locals have little to worry about:

Any snake-fearing Stockholmers, however, have little to worry about. Wahlström explained that such cases only crop up once or twice a year.

I know that's supposed to be comforting, but you know what kind of snake that was? An Australian carpet python. Even Sweden isn't far enough away from Australia to get away from their snakes?

And more driving dogs

Dogs are such traditionalists, as any long-time reader of this blog will know. As we saw last time, the haven't stopped starting fires. And they haven't stopped driving badly, either. This time it was two dogs in a pickup truck in Tulsa, Oklahoma:

    The dogs, Roscoe and Luna, were inside their owner's truck at the top of the hill on 25th Street. In a matter of minutes, they were barreling across Riverside Drive and into the Arkansas River river bed.

    "I got around to the front of the house where the truck was, and it's like not there," he said. "And I was like 'did I get towed?' and I just thought no it didn't."

    One of the dogs put the car into gear and they took off. "Approximately three blocks down a hill," Tulsa firefighter Clay Ayers said.

The dogs missed drivers on Riverside Drive, runners on the trail and narrowly missed landing in the Arkansas River.

And really, why should dogs stop this sort of thing- or even learn to drive better? The truck was badly damaged, but the owner just said "It's an expensive joy ride," and the cops let them off without punishment. No wonder they never learn.

More canine arson

Sometimes I think it's time to retire the arsonist dog to a Bad Animal Hall of Fame. Dogs start fires by turning on the stove so often (see here, here, here, and here), as well as in other more imaginative ways,  there's even a National Pet Fire Safety Day to warn people that pets set over a thousand fires a year in the US. The blog has covered this so many times that I've gotten exhausted looking for relevant photos and you're getting the pug with matches yet again.

So you'd think this couldn't be news to anyone, but then it happens again and the owner says:

"I laughed at first. You never think this sort of thing will happen to you and you don’t expect your dog to do it. How many people can say their dog nearly burnt their house down?"

Sigh. LOTS of them, but obviously we still need each cautionary tale, so here it is: Martey, a Lab in England, was lucky that his dog walker came just in time. She found the kitchen full of smoke because he'd turned on the stove and it had set fire to everything around it. As usual, there was some food on the back of the stove and the dog had been trying to get at it. The result:

"The fire has totally destroyed the kitchen and caused smoke damage to the rest of the house." It is not known how much it will cost to repair the kitchen but Megan says all the units will need to be replaced.

They tell you to do your research before getting a dog - why don't the breed books ever tell you that small dogs that can't reach the stove are safer to own ?

The rampaging packs that you'd least expect

 A neighborhood in Phoenix is being overrun with roving bands of chihuahuas.

PHOENIX (KSAZ) - Who let the dogs out? apparently a lot of people in Maryvale. Maricopa county animal care and control says packs of Chihuahuas are roaming the streets and some people in the area aren't happy about it.

"Yeah a lot of them they are out here chasing kids or going yard to yard...anywhere in groups of eight to twelve just running around," said Ray Rios, a Maryvale resident.
  
Frank Garcia has also seen the packs. "Well the last time I seen six or seven Chihuahuas... and big dogs running with the Chihuahua's in a pack running every single day," he said.

Reports are that children are being harassed by these gangs on their way to school, and it sounds like the dogs are strategically using their numbers to keep authorities off their game:

Animal control officials say people are calling about seeing stray Chihuahuas, but the dogs are long gone by the time they get there. They can't patrol the area because they're busy responding to dozens of calls at a time.

Sure, it's hard not to laugh when you read this - unless you've read this blog long enough, and recall the results of a careful study about what breeds are most likely to show aggression towards humans. They're dachshunds, Jack Russells, and - yes - chihuahuas.

From the looks of that photo, they've learned to climb straight up brick walls. And as they're showing, there's strength in numbers. So giggle away, but remember, the apocalypse may look like you least expect it to.

California Camel Rampage

Last week a camel escaped from a property north of Los Angeles and sent a 72-year-old man to the hospital. Steve Brefka tried to capture the animal and return it home, as he says fellow animal-owning neighbors in the area often do.

His reward was being kicked, knocked down, and bitten till he had to hide under a car till help arrived.  He told reporters:

"He was stomping me and biting me, and getting on his knees on top of my chest," said Brefka. The 72-year-old said the camel's mouth was entirely over his head.

You might think the man's loved ones would be furious - unless you're a reader of this blog and know how animals cloud people's minds. In fact the victim's daughter helped authorities corral the animal, and gave a number of interviews, and it's seriously unclear whose side she is on. She said she was able to help because the camel knows her, since she often gives it treats – and she made excuses at great length for the animal, saying how frightened it must have been. "I think the trapped him and he was scared," she said. "Any animal when you're nervous is going to act out when you trap them."

Reportedly the owner doesn't have the right permit to own the camel and other exotic animals on the property, so somebody might get punished. But I expect that as usual the camel will get off scot-free – and if he's returned to the property, I have no doubt that the victim's daughter will be back to feed him more treats.

Finally, this ought to be the sort of story that makes my blogging heart leap, but there is one element that is seriously disappointing: The camel is said to have attacked cars, and there isn't a single photo. Where were those people's cell phones? Where are my photos of a car-attacking camel??

Snowbound News Brief

I was very disturbed when I first read about new research showing that crocodiles can climb trees. Right now, though, I'd be so happy to be in a place that was warm enough for crocodiles, I'd be willing to risk having one drop on me from above my head. Read and choose for yourself.